The Life-Enriching Benefits of Togetherness
Give your health and happiness a lifelong boost with closer relationships, connection and community
Joanna Tovia
20 August 2017
Houzz editorial team. Photojournalist specialising in design, travel and living well. Follow her photodocumentary about pets and the people who love them on Instagram @unfoldingtails
Houzz editorial team. Photojournalist specialising in design, travel and living well.... More
Romantic partnerships aside, relationships with family, friends and the wider community can have life-enhancing impacts on your mental health and physical wellbeing immediately and into old age, with some studies saying closer connections even make you live longer. A 75-year-long Harvard University study found quality relationships benefit your nervous system, brain and pain levels (emotional and physical). Those who feel lonely, on the other hand, are likely to see their health head downhill.
We have unwittingly been denying our need for plenty of nourishing social interaction over the past 50 years, and research shows we are paying the price. As well as having fewer children and a smaller group of friends, we tend to entertain less, work more, volunteer less and rarely have much to do with our neighbours. It’s a recipe for feeling isolated and alone. Read on to learn why and how you can and should prevent loneliness – it’s all about making social connection a priority in your life.
We have unwittingly been denying our need for plenty of nourishing social interaction over the past 50 years, and research shows we are paying the price. As well as having fewer children and a smaller group of friends, we tend to entertain less, work more, volunteer less and rarely have much to do with our neighbours. It’s a recipe for feeling isolated and alone. Read on to learn why and how you can and should prevent loneliness – it’s all about making social connection a priority in your life.
Let common interests unite you
The Harvard study found that close relationships trump money, intelligence, fame and even genetics when it comes to how happy we feel in old age. “The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80,” says study director and psychiatrist Robert Waldinger. “Loneliness kills. It’s as powerful as smoking or alcoholism.”
The Harvard study found that close relationships trump money, intelligence, fame and even genetics when it comes to how happy we feel in old age. “The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80,” says study director and psychiatrist Robert Waldinger. “Loneliness kills. It’s as powerful as smoking or alcoholism.”
Tip: Coming together over a shared interest can be an enjoyable way to create community. Invite a like-minded friend to cook and share a meal with you, join a walking group, sing in your local choir – the opportunities are endless if you dare to take advantage of them.
Take the pressure off
Relationships with friends, family, your partner and community all count – and in a TED talk on the Harvard study, Waldinger points out that relationships needn’t be free of conflict to be beneficial – it’s the sense of being able to count on someone when times get tough that matters.
Tip: Don’t tie yourself up in knots at the thought of having friends over and think you have to go to great lengths cooking and cleaning to prepare. Keep it simple and have faith that your company is really all that’s required. A cup of tea, glass of wine or something tasty to eat is just a bonus that shows you care.
Relationships with friends, family, your partner and community all count – and in a TED talk on the Harvard study, Waldinger points out that relationships needn’t be free of conflict to be beneficial – it’s the sense of being able to count on someone when times get tough that matters.
Tip: Don’t tie yourself up in knots at the thought of having friends over and think you have to go to great lengths cooking and cleaning to prepare. Keep it simple and have faith that your company is really all that’s required. A cup of tea, glass of wine or something tasty to eat is just a bonus that shows you care.
Have fun with your kids
According to a study in the Journal of Marriage and Family, it’s the quality of time we spend with our children, not the quantity, that makes a difference, especially for pre-teens (the more time we can spend with our teenagers the better). Spending time with young children just because you think you should can be harmful rather than beneficial if you’re feeling stressed, anxious and on edge. If you’re feeling relaxed and happy when you spend time with them, on the other hand – even if it amounts to less time in total – this is the kind of connection that enhances their wellbeing well into the future.
According to a study in the Journal of Marriage and Family, it’s the quality of time we spend with our children, not the quantity, that makes a difference, especially for pre-teens (the more time we can spend with our teenagers the better). Spending time with young children just because you think you should can be harmful rather than beneficial if you’re feeling stressed, anxious and on edge. If you’re feeling relaxed and happy when you spend time with them, on the other hand – even if it amounts to less time in total – this is the kind of connection that enhances their wellbeing well into the future.
Tip: Cast aside your guilt if you have young children, and focus on making the time you spend with them matter – read together, make something, have a chat over a shared meal, lighten up and play a game outdoors. The one-on-one unhurried engagement will benefit you as much as it does your kids.
Connect young and old
Make time to create opportunities for the different generations of the family to get together and connect. The relationship between child and grandparent is likely to be cherished by both parties.
Tip: If distance separates you, consider organising a multi-generational holiday – it’s one of the biggest trends in global travel right now.
How to Bring the Generations Together
Make time to create opportunities for the different generations of the family to get together and connect. The relationship between child and grandparent is likely to be cherished by both parties.
Tip: If distance separates you, consider organising a multi-generational holiday – it’s one of the biggest trends in global travel right now.
How to Bring the Generations Together
Foster friendships outside work
Work is often people’s biggest source of companionship, so when that ends, loneliness can soon set in. New findings from research into the health effects of loneliness and isolation found lonely people were twice as likely to die early compared to those with healthy social connections.
A University of York study, meanwhile, found lonely people are 29-32 per cent more likely to suffer a stroke or develop coronary heart disease. The research looked at over 180,000 people for up to 21 years. The findings suggest we should be preparing for retirement with more than financial matters in mind.
Work is often people’s biggest source of companionship, so when that ends, loneliness can soon set in. New findings from research into the health effects of loneliness and isolation found lonely people were twice as likely to die early compared to those with healthy social connections.
A University of York study, meanwhile, found lonely people are 29-32 per cent more likely to suffer a stroke or develop coronary heart disease. The research looked at over 180,000 people for up to 21 years. The findings suggest we should be preparing for retirement with more than financial matters in mind.
Tip: Foster social connections beyond the workplace well ahead of retirement. Join a book club, start a knitting group or take a class – and put some energy into getting to know some of the wonderful strangers out there; eventually you’ll make a friend. Learning to master games such as golf now can mean it’s more fun later, and is a great way to stay fit and socially connected. There’s no time like the present to pave the way for your future happiness.
Make the first move
It isn’t just the older generations who are prone to loneliness. Whether we care to admit it or not, the loneliness epidemic afflicts young and middle-aged people just as readily as older folk, with one study even finding that 18 to 34-year-olds were more likely than the over-55s to feel lonely often. We are social beings and isolation feels inherently unnatural – according to the UK’s Mental Health Foundation in its report The Lonely Society, this is why solitary confinement for prisoners is one of the cruellest punishments we’ve ever dreamed up.
Loneliness often leads to depression, and depression often leads to loneliness, which can also come about after life changes such as losing a partner through divorce or death, becoming a parent, getting retrenched, or moving house.
Tip: Don’t wait for an invitation, be the one who organises get-togethers with family and friends. Sidestep Facebook and other forms of social media to keep in touch – pick up the phone, arrange a coffee, and reconnect. Who knows what kind of mutually rewarding relationships could flourish?
It isn’t just the older generations who are prone to loneliness. Whether we care to admit it or not, the loneliness epidemic afflicts young and middle-aged people just as readily as older folk, with one study even finding that 18 to 34-year-olds were more likely than the over-55s to feel lonely often. We are social beings and isolation feels inherently unnatural – according to the UK’s Mental Health Foundation in its report The Lonely Society, this is why solitary confinement for prisoners is one of the cruellest punishments we’ve ever dreamed up.
Loneliness often leads to depression, and depression often leads to loneliness, which can also come about after life changes such as losing a partner through divorce or death, becoming a parent, getting retrenched, or moving house.
Tip: Don’t wait for an invitation, be the one who organises get-togethers with family and friends. Sidestep Facebook and other forms of social media to keep in touch – pick up the phone, arrange a coffee, and reconnect. Who knows what kind of mutually rewarding relationships could flourish?
Strive for a better work/life balance
Busy working lives can lead to long hours in the office, but requesting a more flexible working arrangement can mean closer family bonds now and into the future.
Browse more dining room ideas
Busy working lives can lead to long hours in the office, but requesting a more flexible working arrangement can mean closer family bonds now and into the future.
Browse more dining room ideas
Tip: See if you can work from home one day a week or fortnight. Instead of eating lunch at your desk like you usually do, that’s half an hour you could be spending connecting with others in your household, or even enjoying a quiet moment sitting out in the sun. And not having to commute can open up opportunities for other interests – squeeze in a workout with a group before work, take a yoga class with a friend, or grab your partner for a before-work power walk.
Become a volunteer
Numerous studies show how beneficial lending a helping hand is to our lives, whether that be fostering a child one weekend a month, regenerating local bush land with a group, or delivering meals to house-bound seniors. According to research by Stony Brook University professor Stephen G. Post, as well as fostering friendships and building social networks, volunteering significantly improves our physical health, enriches our sense of purpose in life, improves our sense of wellbeing, and lowers stress levels. Volunteers also have less trouble sleeping. “When we help others, we help ourselves,” Post says.
Tip: Don’t know where to volunteer? Visit dosomethingnearyou to find volunteering opportunities – you can filter your search by area and fields of interest.
Numerous studies show how beneficial lending a helping hand is to our lives, whether that be fostering a child one weekend a month, regenerating local bush land with a group, or delivering meals to house-bound seniors. According to research by Stony Brook University professor Stephen G. Post, as well as fostering friendships and building social networks, volunteering significantly improves our physical health, enriches our sense of purpose in life, improves our sense of wellbeing, and lowers stress levels. Volunteers also have less trouble sleeping. “When we help others, we help ourselves,” Post says.
Tip: Don’t know where to volunteer? Visit dosomethingnearyou to find volunteering opportunities – you can filter your search by area and fields of interest.
Adopt a furry friend
Pets are almost as good as people when it comes to staving off loneliness (better, some would argue), and they have an uncanny way of bringing people together. The largest international study yet on the benefits of pet ownership, conducted by the University of Western Australia in 2017, found owning a pet works as ‘social glue’ that leads to stronger ties between neighbours. Pet ownership also makes living alone less lonely, and increases how connected we feel to our local community. Owning a dog, in particular, encourages us to get out and walk or congregate at the dog park, and far more people are inclined to stop and chat when there’s a pet that can act as a talking point.
Tip: If you have a friendly, well-behaved pet, consider joining an organisation that visits nursing homes and hospitals. Delta Therapy Dogs, for example, relies on the help of more than a thousand dog/owner volunteer teams to bring joy and companionship to children, the sick and the elderly in more than 850 institutions across Australia. Don’t have a pet yet? Browse adoptable dogs, cats and other animals looking for love on Pet Rescue.
Pets are almost as good as people when it comes to staving off loneliness (better, some would argue), and they have an uncanny way of bringing people together. The largest international study yet on the benefits of pet ownership, conducted by the University of Western Australia in 2017, found owning a pet works as ‘social glue’ that leads to stronger ties between neighbours. Pet ownership also makes living alone less lonely, and increases how connected we feel to our local community. Owning a dog, in particular, encourages us to get out and walk or congregate at the dog park, and far more people are inclined to stop and chat when there’s a pet that can act as a talking point.
Tip: If you have a friendly, well-behaved pet, consider joining an organisation that visits nursing homes and hospitals. Delta Therapy Dogs, for example, relies on the help of more than a thousand dog/owner volunteer teams to bring joy and companionship to children, the sick and the elderly in more than 850 institutions across Australia. Don’t have a pet yet? Browse adoptable dogs, cats and other animals looking for love on Pet Rescue.
Your say
Do you have other tips on how to make life less lonely? Share them with us in the Comments below and make someone’s day.
More
Living Alone? Here’s How to Love Your Single Life
Do you have other tips on how to make life less lonely? Share them with us in the Comments below and make someone’s day.
More
Living Alone? Here’s How to Love Your Single Life
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look online for community groups like 'meetup' where you can pick a social activity like a lunch or dinner to meet new people. A few hours a week can make a big difference.
dressmyhouse, that's a good idea. I like idea of a class, though, because it gives you a reason to be there. It's 'doing' while making small talk, as opposed to a purely social gathering which can be a bit frightening if you're shy, like me.