The Psychology of Ageing Well... or How to Be Happy Into Old Age
In this weekend read, we take you through a beautifully approachable philosophy for ageing in happiness and good health
Enjoy this thought-provoking extract from international advocate on ageing, Marcus Riley. His new book Booming: A Life-Changing Philosophy for Ageing Well is full of practical ideas for embracing ageing with positivity, planning and purpose.
This extract is accompanied by images from the Houzz archives
This extract is accompanied by images from the Houzz archives
Our willingness and ability to adapt is crucial. There will be varied reasons for us needing to adapt and our own circumstances, the status of those we love and changes in the world around us will all be catalysts for us making changes. Adapting is multi-faceted and very much about our perspective. The way we view ourselves, our relationships and lifestyle, the world or life in general at various times may need to be refined to enable us to make good decisions, to opt for the right choices to support our booming. It is about adjusting our behaviours and attitudes where needed to ensure we are giving ourselves the best opportunity to prosper.
For example, resisting the use of new technology such as smart devices may deny us the ability to connect with our grandchild who’s now living abroad or our family living interstate. Refusing to adapt our diet in accordance with our chronic conditions or in light of hereditary risks compromises our health and longevity, whereas being open to new forms of nutrition and exercise will help us sustain our wellbeing. Understanding and amending plans, perhaps long-held and cherished plans, because of our partner’s emerging or sudden health needs ensures we not only meet their personal requirements but helps maintain the quality booming of our relationship, which in turn supports our own health.
Adapting is not conceding. It is not accepting outcomes that are in fact avoidable. It is being smart and considered as to how to best set up our lifestyles; being willing and able to alter how we do things when needed. Or even better, after planning and forethought, before changes are needed.
For example, resisting the use of new technology such as smart devices may deny us the ability to connect with our grandchild who’s now living abroad or our family living interstate. Refusing to adapt our diet in accordance with our chronic conditions or in light of hereditary risks compromises our health and longevity, whereas being open to new forms of nutrition and exercise will help us sustain our wellbeing. Understanding and amending plans, perhaps long-held and cherished plans, because of our partner’s emerging or sudden health needs ensures we not only meet their personal requirements but helps maintain the quality booming of our relationship, which in turn supports our own health.
Adapting is not conceding. It is not accepting outcomes that are in fact avoidable. It is being smart and considered as to how to best set up our lifestyles; being willing and able to alter how we do things when needed. Or even better, after planning and forethought, before changes are needed.
Neuroplasticity is a no-brainer
One of the fallacies about getting older is that we become intolerant and narrow-minded, set in our ways, unwilling and unable to adapt to changing circumstances and too pig-headed to embrace new ideas and technologies. To me, that’s utter nonsense. Every day I see older people making wise, life-enhancing changes. But don’t just take my word for it. Irrefutable scientific evidence exists that we can mentally tally, adapt and enable our booming at any age. An old dog can learn new tricks!
Neuroplasticity – also known as brain plasticity and brain malleability – is the boffins’ name for the brain’s inherent ability to reorganise itself, both physically and functionally, through a person’s life, allowing our thinking and emotions to positively adapt to new situations. Functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) has proved that neuroplasticity takes place when, as a consequence of situations and environments in which we find ourselves, as a result of our emotions, trauma or illness, the brain’s neurons (nerve cells) can make new connections and form different neural pathways. For example, if one hemisphere of the brain is damaged, the better-functioning hemisphere may assume some of its operations.
The concept of a changing brain has replaced the old belief that the adult brain is a physiologically static organ that becomes hardwired after critical developmental periods in childhood and youth. While it’s true that our brain is much more plastic during our early years and its capacity declines with age, neuroplasticity takes place throughout our life. This proves that we are perfectly capable of learning new approaches, developing better outlooks for ourselves and overcoming barriers that prevent successful ageing.
All we have to do is free ourselves from our self-imposed limitations and emerge into a brave new can-do world of possibilities. By refusing to mentally atrophy, refusing to think and do what we’ve always thought and done, we can proceed to adapt to our new situation and stage of life and put ourselves in a position to control our wellbeing now and into the future. Such excuses as, ‘Well, I don’t think like that,’ or, ‘My brain doesn’t work that way,’ or, ‘It’s too late for me to learn something new,’ simply don’t wash anymore. And that’s not just me saying it, this is science talking.
One of the fallacies about getting older is that we become intolerant and narrow-minded, set in our ways, unwilling and unable to adapt to changing circumstances and too pig-headed to embrace new ideas and technologies. To me, that’s utter nonsense. Every day I see older people making wise, life-enhancing changes. But don’t just take my word for it. Irrefutable scientific evidence exists that we can mentally tally, adapt and enable our booming at any age. An old dog can learn new tricks!
Neuroplasticity – also known as brain plasticity and brain malleability – is the boffins’ name for the brain’s inherent ability to reorganise itself, both physically and functionally, through a person’s life, allowing our thinking and emotions to positively adapt to new situations. Functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) has proved that neuroplasticity takes place when, as a consequence of situations and environments in which we find ourselves, as a result of our emotions, trauma or illness, the brain’s neurons (nerve cells) can make new connections and form different neural pathways. For example, if one hemisphere of the brain is damaged, the better-functioning hemisphere may assume some of its operations.
The concept of a changing brain has replaced the old belief that the adult brain is a physiologically static organ that becomes hardwired after critical developmental periods in childhood and youth. While it’s true that our brain is much more plastic during our early years and its capacity declines with age, neuroplasticity takes place throughout our life. This proves that we are perfectly capable of learning new approaches, developing better outlooks for ourselves and overcoming barriers that prevent successful ageing.
All we have to do is free ourselves from our self-imposed limitations and emerge into a brave new can-do world of possibilities. By refusing to mentally atrophy, refusing to think and do what we’ve always thought and done, we can proceed to adapt to our new situation and stage of life and put ourselves in a position to control our wellbeing now and into the future. Such excuses as, ‘Well, I don’t think like that,’ or, ‘My brain doesn’t work that way,’ or, ‘It’s too late for me to learn something new,’ simply don’t wash anymore. And that’s not just me saying it, this is science talking.
Lorraine filling in her pool and transforming the space into a garden is neuroplasticity at work. By the simple act of changing, we force open new neural pathways and like the flowers in Lorraine’s beautiful garden, we blossom. A person who has always been a harsh self-critic may take a long, dispassionate gaze into the mirror, think about the good they’ve done in their life, and realise they have much to be proud of and so start being kinder to themselves. Making the move to listen to different types of music, eating foods we’ve never tried, learning a new language or a musical instrument, using our left hand when we are right-handed, taking a different path to the shops and giving ourselves a chance to see new scenery or meet a new acquaintance.
Another good example is the once-fit person who has long despaired that he is too old to exercise and will never be fit and trim again. Then one day he bites the bullet and lifts a weight or hops on an exercise bike and, lo and behold, he realises that he’s perfectly capable of working out, perseveres and soon he’s a new man. Then there’s the mother who for more than a decade devotes herself to her children, making school lunches, driving them to sport, overseeing homework, who, now in her fifties, finds herself at a loose end. To find new purpose she learns to sail and now races every Wednesday and Saturday, something that would once have been unimaginable. Or the 70-something who discovers, after a little study, that investing in the stock market is not, after all, the rocket science she always believed it was and now has a money-making hobby. And I know a divorced fellow who had never cooked a meal in his life, but, sick of takeaway dinners, took the plunge and bought a recipe book and to his amazement was soon whipping up wonderful food.
Another good example is the once-fit person who has long despaired that he is too old to exercise and will never be fit and trim again. Then one day he bites the bullet and lifts a weight or hops on an exercise bike and, lo and behold, he realises that he’s perfectly capable of working out, perseveres and soon he’s a new man. Then there’s the mother who for more than a decade devotes herself to her children, making school lunches, driving them to sport, overseeing homework, who, now in her fifties, finds herself at a loose end. To find new purpose she learns to sail and now races every Wednesday and Saturday, something that would once have been unimaginable. Or the 70-something who discovers, after a little study, that investing in the stock market is not, after all, the rocket science she always believed it was and now has a money-making hobby. And I know a divorced fellow who had never cooked a meal in his life, but, sick of takeaway dinners, took the plunge and bought a recipe book and to his amazement was soon whipping up wonderful food.
Ch-ch-ch… changes
Let’s accept that times have changed in the past 30 or 40 years, and so have we. Let’s not cling to the past like a drowning person to a life ring, but understand that alterations, major and minor, must be made if we are to be happy and successful. We should come to terms with the fact that the life we led when younger is probably no longer practical, affordable or healthy. It is far better to think hard and plan and adapt than have change imposed on us. We need to be open to make decisions and, consequently, changes concerning, for example, our lifestyle, our friends, our pastimes, the suitability of our home and our car, and our diet and fitness regime. We may have sprinted up that hill when we were 25, but now if we want to get to the top, we walk.
To stay in touch with family and friends and remain up-to-date on current affairs in the dying days of landline telephones, mail (how many letters or cards have you received lately?) and hard-copy newspapers, we would be wise to overcome our techno-fears and learn to use a computer, email and smart phone. If we feel our home, even though it may be a place we’ve always loved and where the children grew up, is no longer conducive to our preferred lifestyle let’s say goodbye to it and move to an apartment or house that’s more aligned with our needs and desires.
Be resourceful. If fading eyesight is making reading difficult throw away the spectacles you’ve been peering through since 1963 and buy a new pair, or acquire an old-fashioned magnifying glass, learn to use a Kindle, which makes print bigger and easier to read, or an audio book is a good-sense substitute for the printed word. Can’t afford to run a big car and finding parking in our jam-packed suburbs a trial? Trade it in on a smaller, more economical auto, or sell the old car and take public transport. Now there are fewer of us in the house, is the old fridge too big and chewing up too much energy? Should we move our bedroom to the ground floor to avoid those stairs that are getting harder to climb? On the golf course, why not drive a motorised buggy instead of walking 18 holes?
Let’s ask ourselves: is there a better way to listen to our music? Should we persevere with ad-laden free-to-air TV with its wall-to-wall reality shows and sitcom repeats when the streaming alternatives, for just a few dollars a week, offer infinitely more variety? Should we be shopping for groceries online, instead of trekking to the supermarket and manhandling our trolley among chaotic shelves and crowded queues at the cash register? If we’ve always shied from chatting to strangers, an attitude reset by reaching out to a perceived like-minded soul could win us a terrific new friend.
Let’s give our life a good old spring clean. If we feel that we’re weighed down by too many useless belongings, even though some may have sentimental value, we should consider offloading them to a second-hand dealer, holding a garage sale or taking them to the tip. Why not replace those cumbersome, past-their-use-by-date material possessions with spirituality, new experiences, beauty?
Decluttering our homes, yards, garages and cars of unnecessary odds and ends, or items that remind us of bad or sad times, and living in a clean and fresh environment can be good for body and soul. Replacing an old, stiff and stained lounge with a new one, or our ancient 11-inch television with a smart TV with a screen we can actually see and sound we can actually hear, or an ill-fitting circa-1960s suit or dress with something that better reflects the person we are today can reinvigorate our lives and self-esteem.
Generally, life changes do not happen overnight. Such things as reduced physical capacity and financial problems tend to creep up on us over time. But at this stage of life, having accumulated the experience and knowledge to inform our decisions, we’re in the ideal situation to think smart and adapt. Whether change is sudden or gradual, if we’ve thought about our future – and we should make time to do ourselves this essential service.
Let’s accept that times have changed in the past 30 or 40 years, and so have we. Let’s not cling to the past like a drowning person to a life ring, but understand that alterations, major and minor, must be made if we are to be happy and successful. We should come to terms with the fact that the life we led when younger is probably no longer practical, affordable or healthy. It is far better to think hard and plan and adapt than have change imposed on us. We need to be open to make decisions and, consequently, changes concerning, for example, our lifestyle, our friends, our pastimes, the suitability of our home and our car, and our diet and fitness regime. We may have sprinted up that hill when we were 25, but now if we want to get to the top, we walk.
To stay in touch with family and friends and remain up-to-date on current affairs in the dying days of landline telephones, mail (how many letters or cards have you received lately?) and hard-copy newspapers, we would be wise to overcome our techno-fears and learn to use a computer, email and smart phone. If we feel our home, even though it may be a place we’ve always loved and where the children grew up, is no longer conducive to our preferred lifestyle let’s say goodbye to it and move to an apartment or house that’s more aligned with our needs and desires.
Be resourceful. If fading eyesight is making reading difficult throw away the spectacles you’ve been peering through since 1963 and buy a new pair, or acquire an old-fashioned magnifying glass, learn to use a Kindle, which makes print bigger and easier to read, or an audio book is a good-sense substitute for the printed word. Can’t afford to run a big car and finding parking in our jam-packed suburbs a trial? Trade it in on a smaller, more economical auto, or sell the old car and take public transport. Now there are fewer of us in the house, is the old fridge too big and chewing up too much energy? Should we move our bedroom to the ground floor to avoid those stairs that are getting harder to climb? On the golf course, why not drive a motorised buggy instead of walking 18 holes?
Let’s ask ourselves: is there a better way to listen to our music? Should we persevere with ad-laden free-to-air TV with its wall-to-wall reality shows and sitcom repeats when the streaming alternatives, for just a few dollars a week, offer infinitely more variety? Should we be shopping for groceries online, instead of trekking to the supermarket and manhandling our trolley among chaotic shelves and crowded queues at the cash register? If we’ve always shied from chatting to strangers, an attitude reset by reaching out to a perceived like-minded soul could win us a terrific new friend.
Let’s give our life a good old spring clean. If we feel that we’re weighed down by too many useless belongings, even though some may have sentimental value, we should consider offloading them to a second-hand dealer, holding a garage sale or taking them to the tip. Why not replace those cumbersome, past-their-use-by-date material possessions with spirituality, new experiences, beauty?
Decluttering our homes, yards, garages and cars of unnecessary odds and ends, or items that remind us of bad or sad times, and living in a clean and fresh environment can be good for body and soul. Replacing an old, stiff and stained lounge with a new one, or our ancient 11-inch television with a smart TV with a screen we can actually see and sound we can actually hear, or an ill-fitting circa-1960s suit or dress with something that better reflects the person we are today can reinvigorate our lives and self-esteem.
Generally, life changes do not happen overnight. Such things as reduced physical capacity and financial problems tend to creep up on us over time. But at this stage of life, having accumulated the experience and knowledge to inform our decisions, we’re in the ideal situation to think smart and adapt. Whether change is sudden or gradual, if we’ve thought about our future – and we should make time to do ourselves this essential service.
Cherish the past, embrace the future
Ageing guarantees that we suffer loss and sadness and other difficulties. We lose spouses and relatives and dear old friends. Because of illness or reduced funds, our circumstances may change for the worse, and we find ourselves believing that we are surplus to the requirements of the world, a world that was once our oyster.
The old English musical title got it right, ‘Fings Ain’t Wot They Used T’Be’, but mourning days gone by is wasted emotion that does no-one any good. To boom in an ever-changing, sometimes alienating world we must press on and, while treasuring and being grateful for the past – our wonderful marriage, the picturesque village in which we used to live, the great experiences we had, all of which have made us who we are today – replace what’s lost forever with new passions, pleasures and challenges. By all means, play the records that meant so much to us and pore through old photo albums and acknowledge our achievements. Those rituals are healthy because they help us understand that that was then and it was wonderful, but this is now. Once we honour our past and accept that it is indeed the past and that life must go on and that we are capable of thriving now and in the future as we did in days gone by, then we can renew ourselves.
We have to ask ourselves, ‘Do I stay narrow and closed, do I stick with the skills that have got me by all my life, do I want to be who I’ve always been, or do I adapt and open up, learn new skills, grow as a person, and thrive?’ If we turn our back on the modern world and are content to live in the past, we miss out on wonderful new experiences and meeting interesting new people.
We’ve all heard people – usually, it has to be said, men – grizzling about how nothing today is as good as it used to be. How everything was better in their younger years. This was portrayed in ABC TV’s Grumpy Old Men series in recent years. In this imaginary golden age, the grumps remind each other, life was better because there were only four TV channels to choose from and you didn’t need a degree in science to operate the remote control (or controls) like you do today when there are a bewildering number of streaming and program choices. ‘Gay’ meant happy then, and you were on first-name terms with the manager of your bank where there was never a queue. You ordered a coffee, not a ‘grande, iced, sugar-free, vanilla latte with soy milk’. There was no such thing as gridlock and you could park (leaving the car unlocked, of course) at the beach or right outside the supermarket or cinema (where they screened two movies, a newsreel and a cartoon). A stamp cost five cents (or tuppence!), a gallon of petrol two shillings, and we didn’t need to take out a second mortgage to pay the quarterly electricity bill. Computers and mobile phones were never on the blink, because we didn’t have computers and mobile phones, nor did we need them. Everything was better then, or so grumpy old men like to say. ‘Nowadays life conspires against us because we are no longer young.’
Ageing guarantees that we suffer loss and sadness and other difficulties. We lose spouses and relatives and dear old friends. Because of illness or reduced funds, our circumstances may change for the worse, and we find ourselves believing that we are surplus to the requirements of the world, a world that was once our oyster.
The old English musical title got it right, ‘Fings Ain’t Wot They Used T’Be’, but mourning days gone by is wasted emotion that does no-one any good. To boom in an ever-changing, sometimes alienating world we must press on and, while treasuring and being grateful for the past – our wonderful marriage, the picturesque village in which we used to live, the great experiences we had, all of which have made us who we are today – replace what’s lost forever with new passions, pleasures and challenges. By all means, play the records that meant so much to us and pore through old photo albums and acknowledge our achievements. Those rituals are healthy because they help us understand that that was then and it was wonderful, but this is now. Once we honour our past and accept that it is indeed the past and that life must go on and that we are capable of thriving now and in the future as we did in days gone by, then we can renew ourselves.
We have to ask ourselves, ‘Do I stay narrow and closed, do I stick with the skills that have got me by all my life, do I want to be who I’ve always been, or do I adapt and open up, learn new skills, grow as a person, and thrive?’ If we turn our back on the modern world and are content to live in the past, we miss out on wonderful new experiences and meeting interesting new people.
We’ve all heard people – usually, it has to be said, men – grizzling about how nothing today is as good as it used to be. How everything was better in their younger years. This was portrayed in ABC TV’s Grumpy Old Men series in recent years. In this imaginary golden age, the grumps remind each other, life was better because there were only four TV channels to choose from and you didn’t need a degree in science to operate the remote control (or controls) like you do today when there are a bewildering number of streaming and program choices. ‘Gay’ meant happy then, and you were on first-name terms with the manager of your bank where there was never a queue. You ordered a coffee, not a ‘grande, iced, sugar-free, vanilla latte with soy milk’. There was no such thing as gridlock and you could park (leaving the car unlocked, of course) at the beach or right outside the supermarket or cinema (where they screened two movies, a newsreel and a cartoon). A stamp cost five cents (or tuppence!), a gallon of petrol two shillings, and we didn’t need to take out a second mortgage to pay the quarterly electricity bill. Computers and mobile phones were never on the blink, because we didn’t have computers and mobile phones, nor did we need them. Everything was better then, or so grumpy old men like to say. ‘Nowadays life conspires against us because we are no longer young.’
While curmudgeons sit on their hands and grumble, other more enlightened, or perhaps less delusional, individuals are open to change and new ideas. Yes, they cherish what was wonderful about the past – say, ‘Wow, all that happened to me, I’m so glad it did’ – but remain open to progress, and benefit from it because they are able to adapt and capitalise on today’s technological and social advances.
My old neighbours Marie and Martin would have been excused for complaining about recent changes to their local area, which they’d called home for 60 years. Yet their attitude towards the altered landscape around them – the new motorways and the shopping mall and the block of flats that had been built on what was once a park – was to embrace those changes and adapt to them. And they welcomed new families to their neighbourhood, sipped coffee at the new cafes, helped organise community events, made new friends. You know what? Marie and Martin were respected for their willingness and ability to change and revered as members of their community.
In many ways life is not as simple or easy as it was, and of course this makes us stressed and feel redundant and fearful of the future. But if we are to boom, like Marie and Martin, we must try to adapt to the now and embrace its opportunities.
My old neighbours Marie and Martin would have been excused for complaining about recent changes to their local area, which they’d called home for 60 years. Yet their attitude towards the altered landscape around them – the new motorways and the shopping mall and the block of flats that had been built on what was once a park – was to embrace those changes and adapt to them. And they welcomed new families to their neighbourhood, sipped coffee at the new cafes, helped organise community events, made new friends. You know what? Marie and Martin were respected for their willingness and ability to change and revered as members of their community.
In many ways life is not as simple or easy as it was, and of course this makes us stressed and feel redundant and fearful of the future. But if we are to boom, like Marie and Martin, we must try to adapt to the now and embrace its opportunities.
Two to tango
Growing old with someone we love, helping each other to adapt to and manage the inevitable changes, is one of life’s greatest pleasures.
How does a relationship stand the tests of time? First, of course, we fall in love. Then comes mutual respect, intimacy (we can never tell our partner that we love them too many times), companionship, good conversation, honesty and openness. Throw in understanding, selflessness, physical attraction, kindness, spontaneity, the ability to laugh with – and at – each other, moral support and enthusiastic encouragement. Add to all that the desire to work at a partnership and replenish it with new dreams and schemes and keep romance as fresh after 50 years as it was in first flush, giving each other room to grow and supporting and encouraging each other’s needs and pursuits. All of the foregoing contributes to a joyous and enduring relationship.
Partners can be a rock in helping a loved one adapt to the myriad changes involved in transitioning between different phases of our own (longer) lives. Be it new priorities brought on by changed circumstances, changing or losing a job, moving house, the death of family and friends, retirement. Consider someone who stops working after decades. Instead of being at the office from 8am to 7pm five days a week he or she is suddenly always at home and moping about the house with nothing to do and feeling useless. It’s up to a partner to recognise that their other half is at a loose end and hustle him or her off to lunch with a pal, to yoga or the Rotary group. Again, it comes back to open communication between us and encouraging going out and getting stuck into life. Understanding the need for purpose in our life enables us to play that supportive, guiding role for our partner when needed.
The couple who travels together stays together, but there may come the time when we can’t travel or climb mountains or hike trails the way we used to. We can, however, make allowance for our health and capacity and together take a cruise or a train or bus journey and share that great experience of travel in our own land and different parts of the world. It’s all about both of us refusing to accept that we can’t continue to engage with those things that make our life worth living, and working out a new way to enjoy them or to compensate for their loss with new passions. If we’ve downsized our home and no longer have a garden let’s go together to enjoy the flora at a nearby park or botanic garden. If our family has moved away we may not be able to enjoy Sunday lunch with them anymore, but we can surely interact regularly, maybe through technology, even sharing special moments together via virtual connections.
How Do I… Create a Senior-Friendly Garden?
Growing old with someone we love, helping each other to adapt to and manage the inevitable changes, is one of life’s greatest pleasures.
How does a relationship stand the tests of time? First, of course, we fall in love. Then comes mutual respect, intimacy (we can never tell our partner that we love them too many times), companionship, good conversation, honesty and openness. Throw in understanding, selflessness, physical attraction, kindness, spontaneity, the ability to laugh with – and at – each other, moral support and enthusiastic encouragement. Add to all that the desire to work at a partnership and replenish it with new dreams and schemes and keep romance as fresh after 50 years as it was in first flush, giving each other room to grow and supporting and encouraging each other’s needs and pursuits. All of the foregoing contributes to a joyous and enduring relationship.
Partners can be a rock in helping a loved one adapt to the myriad changes involved in transitioning between different phases of our own (longer) lives. Be it new priorities brought on by changed circumstances, changing or losing a job, moving house, the death of family and friends, retirement. Consider someone who stops working after decades. Instead of being at the office from 8am to 7pm five days a week he or she is suddenly always at home and moping about the house with nothing to do and feeling useless. It’s up to a partner to recognise that their other half is at a loose end and hustle him or her off to lunch with a pal, to yoga or the Rotary group. Again, it comes back to open communication between us and encouraging going out and getting stuck into life. Understanding the need for purpose in our life enables us to play that supportive, guiding role for our partner when needed.
The couple who travels together stays together, but there may come the time when we can’t travel or climb mountains or hike trails the way we used to. We can, however, make allowance for our health and capacity and together take a cruise or a train or bus journey and share that great experience of travel in our own land and different parts of the world. It’s all about both of us refusing to accept that we can’t continue to engage with those things that make our life worth living, and working out a new way to enjoy them or to compensate for their loss with new passions. If we’ve downsized our home and no longer have a garden let’s go together to enjoy the flora at a nearby park or botanic garden. If our family has moved away we may not be able to enjoy Sunday lunch with them anymore, but we can surely interact regularly, maybe through technology, even sharing special moments together via virtual connections.
How Do I… Create a Senior-Friendly Garden?
We need to contribute wholly to the development of plans and the sharing of hopes and dreams for the future. We have to be willing to alert our partner to a potential issue, health-related or otherwise, so proactive action is taken. We must provide support when their needs change.
When making our marriage vows, we swear to honour our partner in sickness and in health. Advancing age can bring unwished-for changes to mind and body, and when these arise they must be faced together. It comes with the territory of love. A woman undergoing menopause, which usually occurs in her fifties and can unleash mood swings, hormonal changes including diminished libido, prolapse, memory loss and intense introspection, can bring enormous change to a relationship. Unless partners talk it through, understand what’s happening, and, if necessary, seek professional help together, the so-called ‘change of life’ can scuttle a relationship and consequently our health and happiness.
We should be conscious of the need to adapt our role as spouse or partner through different stages. There will be varying phases and transitions for us and our loved one where we need to support the other. Often we become aware of symptoms of failing health before our partner. That first little tremor we notice in our loved one’s hands may be the first sign of Parkinson’s disease, and their uncustomary impatience or irritability may be symptomatic of illness. We’re in this life together and we draw from the devotion and support of loved ones the courage and strength that may be necessary to recover. We need the alertness and preparedness to initiate action so a partner’s condition or issue can be resolved early and not allowed to impact on our shared lifestyle. Often this is not easy. It can, initially, be more convenient not to go for that health check because we are afraid of the unknown, or to shy away from initiating the difficult conversation about emerging symptoms that we are noticing. Things left unsaid can cause problems.
When we love somebody, we instinctively mount the barricades with them when they fall ill or grow frail, and rise to the occasion to support our ailing partner. To do this well, we should stay strong and resilient by eating well and getting sleep, and prioritising our activities, consigning to the backburner everything that is not necessary. When we feel a need, we must never fail to ask other family members to rally around.
When making our marriage vows, we swear to honour our partner in sickness and in health. Advancing age can bring unwished-for changes to mind and body, and when these arise they must be faced together. It comes with the territory of love. A woman undergoing menopause, which usually occurs in her fifties and can unleash mood swings, hormonal changes including diminished libido, prolapse, memory loss and intense introspection, can bring enormous change to a relationship. Unless partners talk it through, understand what’s happening, and, if necessary, seek professional help together, the so-called ‘change of life’ can scuttle a relationship and consequently our health and happiness.
We should be conscious of the need to adapt our role as spouse or partner through different stages. There will be varying phases and transitions for us and our loved one where we need to support the other. Often we become aware of symptoms of failing health before our partner. That first little tremor we notice in our loved one’s hands may be the first sign of Parkinson’s disease, and their uncustomary impatience or irritability may be symptomatic of illness. We’re in this life together and we draw from the devotion and support of loved ones the courage and strength that may be necessary to recover. We need the alertness and preparedness to initiate action so a partner’s condition or issue can be resolved early and not allowed to impact on our shared lifestyle. Often this is not easy. It can, initially, be more convenient not to go for that health check because we are afraid of the unknown, or to shy away from initiating the difficult conversation about emerging symptoms that we are noticing. Things left unsaid can cause problems.
When we love somebody, we instinctively mount the barricades with them when they fall ill or grow frail, and rise to the occasion to support our ailing partner. To do this well, we should stay strong and resilient by eating well and getting sleep, and prioritising our activities, consigning to the backburner everything that is not necessary. When we feel a need, we must never fail to ask other family members to rally around.
Intimacy
Intimacy remains a human need at all ages of our lives. Contrary to some misconceptions and falsehoods, we do not lose our need for intimacy, both physical and emotional, as we get older. As with other aspects of our life, we need to adapt to our changes and those of our loved one but studies have confirmed sex, hugging, kissing, hand-holding and a true meeting of minds in which deep feelings are unveiled, can be enjoyed by older women and men for as long as we wish.
We can approach sex with the advantage of our experience. We should have a greater self-awareness and self-confidence as we become older and be free from the expectations of youth. Fewer demands on our time, less drain on our emotional and physical capacities with children out of the house and work a little slower or finished, fewer distractions, can mean a relaxed and beautiful experience.
Of course, as we grow older there is the risk of discouragement because of challenges presented by the realities of the ageing process but these are not insurmountable. Maintaining an open mind, communicating effectively with our partner, having the ability not to take it all too seriously, yet seeking professional help, if required, will ensure we can address what issues or reservations we encounter, leaving us to enjoy a very natural part of our (later) lives.
Intimacy remains a human need at all ages of our lives. Contrary to some misconceptions and falsehoods, we do not lose our need for intimacy, both physical and emotional, as we get older. As with other aspects of our life, we need to adapt to our changes and those of our loved one but studies have confirmed sex, hugging, kissing, hand-holding and a true meeting of minds in which deep feelings are unveiled, can be enjoyed by older women and men for as long as we wish.
We can approach sex with the advantage of our experience. We should have a greater self-awareness and self-confidence as we become older and be free from the expectations of youth. Fewer demands on our time, less drain on our emotional and physical capacities with children out of the house and work a little slower or finished, fewer distractions, can mean a relaxed and beautiful experience.
Of course, as we grow older there is the risk of discouragement because of challenges presented by the realities of the ageing process but these are not insurmountable. Maintaining an open mind, communicating effectively with our partner, having the ability not to take it all too seriously, yet seeking professional help, if required, will ensure we can address what issues or reservations we encounter, leaving us to enjoy a very natural part of our (later) lives.
A retiring disposition
The workplace, whether it be an office, factory or shop, is a different universe. There’s an hierarchy, there’s prestige and status and promotion and financial reward borne of our achievements and success at the jobs we perform, co-workers respect us, they seek our knowledge. There is camaraderie, structure, order and routine. We have a title and are made to feel we are a vital cog in a machine. We’re valued and useful. Then we leave work, and all that ends.
One of the great challenges facing older people is adapting to retirement.
Retirement can come about in different ways. It may be planned and it occurs as determined by us. It may be thrust upon us suddenly or gradually, as the case may be. We may know retirement is coming but, perhaps in denial, not have planned for the transition and necessary adjustments.
Work demands focus and commitment. It insists that we put it first, or the boss will find someone else who will. We are encouraged to define ourselves by our work, but what happens when we are no longer what we do because we have no job? When we are a member of the workforce all we know for certain is that for whatever reason we won’t be working forever, so, before we cease full-time employment we should plan our transition to retirement and make such essential post-retirement adjustments as financial planning, and ensuring that there is balance in our lives by developing other pursuits to occupy us and give us self-esteem to compensate for the busyness and sense of achievement that work provides. No matter how we exit our workplace, to flourish in the years after employment we must be sure that when we’re working we don’t fall into the trap of defining ourselves by the job we are doing and sacrifice our friends, family and passions on the altar of professional success. To do so means risking thinking that we’re irrelevant and useless when our job no longer exists.
The workplace, whether it be an office, factory or shop, is a different universe. There’s an hierarchy, there’s prestige and status and promotion and financial reward borne of our achievements and success at the jobs we perform, co-workers respect us, they seek our knowledge. There is camaraderie, structure, order and routine. We have a title and are made to feel we are a vital cog in a machine. We’re valued and useful. Then we leave work, and all that ends.
One of the great challenges facing older people is adapting to retirement.
Retirement can come about in different ways. It may be planned and it occurs as determined by us. It may be thrust upon us suddenly or gradually, as the case may be. We may know retirement is coming but, perhaps in denial, not have planned for the transition and necessary adjustments.
Work demands focus and commitment. It insists that we put it first, or the boss will find someone else who will. We are encouraged to define ourselves by our work, but what happens when we are no longer what we do because we have no job? When we are a member of the workforce all we know for certain is that for whatever reason we won’t be working forever, so, before we cease full-time employment we should plan our transition to retirement and make such essential post-retirement adjustments as financial planning, and ensuring that there is balance in our lives by developing other pursuits to occupy us and give us self-esteem to compensate for the busyness and sense of achievement that work provides. No matter how we exit our workplace, to flourish in the years after employment we must be sure that when we’re working we don’t fall into the trap of defining ourselves by the job we are doing and sacrifice our friends, family and passions on the altar of professional success. To do so means risking thinking that we’re irrelevant and useless when our job no longer exists.
What do we do for the 40 or 50 hours a week that used to be occupied by work? The answer, my friend, is yours to design. That’s the amazing opportunity we all have.
Rather than the end of usefulness, let’s regard retirement as a wonderful new phase, insofar as our finances and circumstances allow, in which we can stretch our boundaries. The way to adapt to retirement is to use all the energy and dedication that we applied at work to finding new pastimes, passions and friends. To mastering new challenges. We can be a volunteer, a mentor to young people in our old line of work, contribute to the community, join a club, play sport, plan and take a well-deserved trip. Now that our time is unlimited, let’s spend it doing things we love, spend it with family and friends. Do all those jobs around the house we never had time to do before.
When we worked we were punctual, had a strong work ethic, were organised, personable and well-groomed, and these positive traits serve us just as well in retirement as we interact with our new world. That said, it’s probably not a good idea to carry on like a boss – ‘Bring me my coffee! Take a letter!’ – at the bowls club! Just sayin‘. As with coming to terms with the unrecoverable territory of the past, we should acknowledge and be grateful for and proud of all that was wonderful about our years as a wage slave, then accept that period is over, and get on with life.
Retirees who suddenly have nothing to do frequently lose their identity and sense of self-worth, along with the loss of their regular salary. They feel disengaged and without purpose. They may be scared because an important phase of life has ended, or lonely because workmates are no longer a part of their life. But there’s a lot of life to live yet, so we must decide: do we fade away or do we boom?
If we’re one whose identity has been forged by our work, when we retire we may flounder unless we rediscover or unearth new activities and a state of mind that gives us a post-employment identity and commensurate satisfaction to that which work once provided.
We Are Framily: How to Build a Fabulous Friendship Group
Rather than the end of usefulness, let’s regard retirement as a wonderful new phase, insofar as our finances and circumstances allow, in which we can stretch our boundaries. The way to adapt to retirement is to use all the energy and dedication that we applied at work to finding new pastimes, passions and friends. To mastering new challenges. We can be a volunteer, a mentor to young people in our old line of work, contribute to the community, join a club, play sport, plan and take a well-deserved trip. Now that our time is unlimited, let’s spend it doing things we love, spend it with family and friends. Do all those jobs around the house we never had time to do before.
When we worked we were punctual, had a strong work ethic, were organised, personable and well-groomed, and these positive traits serve us just as well in retirement as we interact with our new world. That said, it’s probably not a good idea to carry on like a boss – ‘Bring me my coffee! Take a letter!’ – at the bowls club! Just sayin‘. As with coming to terms with the unrecoverable territory of the past, we should acknowledge and be grateful for and proud of all that was wonderful about our years as a wage slave, then accept that period is over, and get on with life.
Retirees who suddenly have nothing to do frequently lose their identity and sense of self-worth, along with the loss of their regular salary. They feel disengaged and without purpose. They may be scared because an important phase of life has ended, or lonely because workmates are no longer a part of their life. But there’s a lot of life to live yet, so we must decide: do we fade away or do we boom?
If we’re one whose identity has been forged by our work, when we retire we may flounder unless we rediscover or unearth new activities and a state of mind that gives us a post-employment identity and commensurate satisfaction to that which work once provided.
We Are Framily: How to Build a Fabulous Friendship Group
Getting technical
Although the emerging cohort of older people are more tech-savvy than their predecessors, many of us continue to avoid digital technology like Dracula avoids crucifixes. Yes, computers and smart phones and all the other digital devices can seem frustratingly complex and with a perverse life of their own, especially if we’ve spent most of our life using pen, paper, typewriters and a landline telephone. (And, yes, I for one will never get used to seeing hordes of people walking around the street or sitting in a bus or a train carriage transfixed by their screens, oblivious to what’s going on around them. Or families sitting next to each other in restaurants all preoccupied by their personal gadgets.)
Yet, resist as much as we like, the fact is that new technology is here to stay. Let’s not allow all those new technological miracles to remain the domain of the younger generation. If we can only change our negative mindset and take a little trouble to understand computers and the like, there are massive benefits that we can reap.
Whichever store sold us our computer or phone, local clubs and libraries all have experts to help us get our head around the intricacies of setting up, apps, broadband and passwords. Youngsters, to whom living with the new technology is second nature, will take great pride in showing us the ropes, as will a computer-knowledgeable friend or neighbour. I’ll never forget my son Jack, at age two, proudly teaching my parents how to operate the various remote controls in the holiday unit they stayed at for their fiftieth wedding anniversary. Everything had a remote, the curtains, lights, TVs, and it was all a muddle until the toddler strolled in and got it all working.
Although the emerging cohort of older people are more tech-savvy than their predecessors, many of us continue to avoid digital technology like Dracula avoids crucifixes. Yes, computers and smart phones and all the other digital devices can seem frustratingly complex and with a perverse life of their own, especially if we’ve spent most of our life using pen, paper, typewriters and a landline telephone. (And, yes, I for one will never get used to seeing hordes of people walking around the street or sitting in a bus or a train carriage transfixed by their screens, oblivious to what’s going on around them. Or families sitting next to each other in restaurants all preoccupied by their personal gadgets.)
Yet, resist as much as we like, the fact is that new technology is here to stay. Let’s not allow all those new technological miracles to remain the domain of the younger generation. If we can only change our negative mindset and take a little trouble to understand computers and the like, there are massive benefits that we can reap.
Whichever store sold us our computer or phone, local clubs and libraries all have experts to help us get our head around the intricacies of setting up, apps, broadband and passwords. Youngsters, to whom living with the new technology is second nature, will take great pride in showing us the ropes, as will a computer-knowledgeable friend or neighbour. I’ll never forget my son Jack, at age two, proudly teaching my parents how to operate the various remote controls in the holiday unit they stayed at for their fiftieth wedding anniversary. Everything had a remote, the curtains, lights, TVs, and it was all a muddle until the toddler strolled in and got it all working.
Just think: with email, Skype, mobile phone calling and texting, Facebook and Instagram we can be in constant touch with loved ones, friends and carers. We can buy our food and clothes online and have them delivered to our door. No more having to brave traffic jams, crowded public transport and supermarket queues. From the comfort of our lounge room we can research places to go, how to get there and, if it’s overseas, the language to speak when we arrive. We can access our news, find and share recipes we love, even look up old flames from school. Like with many changes, or the trying of something new, we make understanding and utilising technology out to be far more difficult than it ever actually turns out to be.
The progress that the world’s scientists and computer boffins are making is mind-bending. In years to come, our technological options will have expanded and be much improved. Consider such innovations as driverless cars, which can take us out, starting, stopping, steering and following the road rules for us as we watch the scenery whiz by. There’ll be eHealth, enabling us to self-diagnose with computers and other equipment that monitor our heart rate, blood pressure, cholesterol and the state of other vital organs, and provide us and our doctor with early knowledge of medical problems. There will be devices that assess our diet and advise the most suitable foods, then order those foods online and deliver them to our door.
The progress that the world’s scientists and computer boffins are making is mind-bending. In years to come, our technological options will have expanded and be much improved. Consider such innovations as driverless cars, which can take us out, starting, stopping, steering and following the road rules for us as we watch the scenery whiz by. There’ll be eHealth, enabling us to self-diagnose with computers and other equipment that monitor our heart rate, blood pressure, cholesterol and the state of other vital organs, and provide us and our doctor with early knowledge of medical problems. There will be devices that assess our diet and advise the most suitable foods, then order those foods online and deliver them to our door.
Astonishing advances will continue to be made in communication tools and the technology will be embraced by people of all ages, each generation more comfortable with the new technology than the preceding one. To me, the great value of Skype, Facetime, virtual reality and augmented reality devices will be in staying close to family and friends, allowing us to share rich experiences and special moments no matter how far apart we may be. Learning, re-education and retraining will be possible through techniques not previously dreamed of. From our home or apartment or care facility we can chat face-to-face with our instructor at the tech college or university without leaving home. Unless of course we opt for our driverless car to take us on campus, arriving after having a video hook-up en route with our grandson who’s sipping a coffee in a Parisian cafe.
Inevitably, as we grow older, we may not be able to get around as much or as easily as we used to, and, in these days of high-rise living, backyard fences to gossip over with our neighbour are becoming a thing of the past. Yet technology means that we do not have to be isolated and can connect with people nearby or far away. I foresee a time when people who may be too frail to travel will pop on their virtual reality glasses and, hey presto, there they’ll be in the Canadian Rockies with their globetrotting children and grandchildren, or sailing somewhere off the coast of Greece, or working up a virtual sweat playing online golf, bowls or tennis.
The Life-Enriching Benefits of Togetherness
Inevitably, as we grow older, we may not be able to get around as much or as easily as we used to, and, in these days of high-rise living, backyard fences to gossip over with our neighbour are becoming a thing of the past. Yet technology means that we do not have to be isolated and can connect with people nearby or far away. I foresee a time when people who may be too frail to travel will pop on their virtual reality glasses and, hey presto, there they’ll be in the Canadian Rockies with their globetrotting children and grandchildren, or sailing somewhere off the coast of Greece, or working up a virtual sweat playing online golf, bowls or tennis.
The Life-Enriching Benefits of Togetherness
Sweat it out
As the body ages, we may lose cardiovascular capacity, strength and balance, our weight increases, our joints stiffen and our bones become brittle. This may be especially so if we’ve been guilty of a less than active lifestyle. There’s no time better than now to adapt to the realities of our physical failings and make changes to the way we live and get our bodies moving again with exercise that combines aerobic cardiovascular-type work with strength and resistance training and stretching. Such workouts, and playing competitive or non-competitive games, can help restore physical capacity and keep decline in check. A sense of purpose and self-confidence and the chance to enjoy the company of others are other real benefits of being a good sport. Robust health is an ally in warding off illness, and should we fall ill or have an operation, fitness and strength give us increased capacity to recuperate. Similarly, if we are sturdy on our feet and well-balanced, we are more likely to avoid falls, and if we do take a tumble our stronger bones are less likely to break. Fitness allows us to remain active longer, walk to the shops, climb stairs and age well physically and emotionally.
As we age and our body changes, we can no longer indulge in extreme action-packed pursuits of old, but instead of giving up the ghost let’s adapt to having a little less stamina and creakier joints and throw ourselves into achievable alternatives. There are people in their eighties and nineties who still run marathons or cycle 100 kilometres uphill, but they are few and far between. There are people in their eighties and nineties who climb mountains and jump out of planes, but not many. So let’s find activities that are within our capabilities and which, over time, improve our strength and physical and cardiovascular fitness. The greater ease with which we can then undertake regular activities of daily living will be most noticeable.
As the body ages, we may lose cardiovascular capacity, strength and balance, our weight increases, our joints stiffen and our bones become brittle. This may be especially so if we’ve been guilty of a less than active lifestyle. There’s no time better than now to adapt to the realities of our physical failings and make changes to the way we live and get our bodies moving again with exercise that combines aerobic cardiovascular-type work with strength and resistance training and stretching. Such workouts, and playing competitive or non-competitive games, can help restore physical capacity and keep decline in check. A sense of purpose and self-confidence and the chance to enjoy the company of others are other real benefits of being a good sport. Robust health is an ally in warding off illness, and should we fall ill or have an operation, fitness and strength give us increased capacity to recuperate. Similarly, if we are sturdy on our feet and well-balanced, we are more likely to avoid falls, and if we do take a tumble our stronger bones are less likely to break. Fitness allows us to remain active longer, walk to the shops, climb stairs and age well physically and emotionally.
As we age and our body changes, we can no longer indulge in extreme action-packed pursuits of old, but instead of giving up the ghost let’s adapt to having a little less stamina and creakier joints and throw ourselves into achievable alternatives. There are people in their eighties and nineties who still run marathons or cycle 100 kilometres uphill, but they are few and far between. There are people in their eighties and nineties who climb mountains and jump out of planes, but not many. So let’s find activities that are within our capabilities and which, over time, improve our strength and physical and cardiovascular fitness. The greater ease with which we can then undertake regular activities of daily living will be most noticeable.
Before launching into a workout regime, it’s wise to consult a GP and fitness expert who understands the ageing body. They’ll advise the areas we need to concentrate on, and suggest specific exercises, and others we should avoid. We can perform our exercises at the gym, at home or in the park.
An exercise buddy is valuable to push us a little harder and to chat to while we’re sweating it out together. An exercise regime for older folk typically will entail the regular lifting of light weights, calisthenics and aerobics, push-ups and sit-ups and planks to strengthen our core, resistance work with rubber bands, walking or jogging on a treadmill, leg raises, maybe even lacing up a pair of boxing gloves and indulging our inner Rocky, jabbing and hooking focus pads. We can supplement our organised schedule with other fun pursuits that provide further exercise with a healthy dose of competition too. It’s said that 60 minutes of exercise three times a week is all it takes to build fitness, but we can do as much as we are comfortable with and have time for. Little things can make a difference. Parking our car a short distance from our destination and walking the rest of the way, taking the stairs instead of the lift, even repeatedly lifting ourselves up and out of a chair tops up our fitness.
An exercise buddy is valuable to push us a little harder and to chat to while we’re sweating it out together. An exercise regime for older folk typically will entail the regular lifting of light weights, calisthenics and aerobics, push-ups and sit-ups and planks to strengthen our core, resistance work with rubber bands, walking or jogging on a treadmill, leg raises, maybe even lacing up a pair of boxing gloves and indulging our inner Rocky, jabbing and hooking focus pads. We can supplement our organised schedule with other fun pursuits that provide further exercise with a healthy dose of competition too. It’s said that 60 minutes of exercise three times a week is all it takes to build fitness, but we can do as much as we are comfortable with and have time for. Little things can make a difference. Parking our car a short distance from our destination and walking the rest of the way, taking the stairs instead of the lift, even repeatedly lifting ourselves up and out of a chair tops up our fitness.
No excuses. Even if we are suffering ill health or are incapacitated we can still find beneficial exercises to do while seated, kneeling or lying down.
Playing sport is a way to keep fit and have fun. There are organised competitions and teams for older people, many of these games having adapted their formats to make them more suited to seniors. Softer tennis balls make it easier for frailer, slower folk to reach them and whack them away for a winner, and there is walking, Australian rules, netball and basketball. There are many over-60 touch football and soccer comps, and rugby union’s Golden Oldies concept sees players in their sixties and seventies who still want to run, pass, tackle and shove in scrums relive their glory days. Outdoor and indoor soccer with soft balls, and cricket for ‘oldies’ in which the bat and ball are plastic and the boundaries closer to the pitch are catching on. There are yoga, Pilates and tai chi and xi gong. These activities are great too for our breathing, balance and mindfulness.
One woman in her seventies who had suffered a minor stroke answered an ad in the local paper offering ‘stroke correction’ for the elderly. ‘That’s for me,’ she said. When she turned up at the given address she was perplexed to find it was a swimming school. ‘Oh well,’ she thought, ‘I’m here now…’ So she took the plunge, and seven years later swimming laps and having coffee and cake with her aquatic friends is an integral part of her life.
Booming: The Life-Changing Philosophy of Ageing Well by Marcus Riley is published by Ventura Press, RRP $32.99.
Tell us
What are your secrets for booming into mature age? Share your thoughts in the Comments section below and if you enjoyed reading this, like the story, save it, share it with friends or family and join the conversation.
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Read more enriching lifestyle stories on Houzz
Playing sport is a way to keep fit and have fun. There are organised competitions and teams for older people, many of these games having adapted their formats to make them more suited to seniors. Softer tennis balls make it easier for frailer, slower folk to reach them and whack them away for a winner, and there is walking, Australian rules, netball and basketball. There are many over-60 touch football and soccer comps, and rugby union’s Golden Oldies concept sees players in their sixties and seventies who still want to run, pass, tackle and shove in scrums relive their glory days. Outdoor and indoor soccer with soft balls, and cricket for ‘oldies’ in which the bat and ball are plastic and the boundaries closer to the pitch are catching on. There are yoga, Pilates and tai chi and xi gong. These activities are great too for our breathing, balance and mindfulness.
One woman in her seventies who had suffered a minor stroke answered an ad in the local paper offering ‘stroke correction’ for the elderly. ‘That’s for me,’ she said. When she turned up at the given address she was perplexed to find it was a swimming school. ‘Oh well,’ she thought, ‘I’m here now…’ So she took the plunge, and seven years later swimming laps and having coffee and cake with her aquatic friends is an integral part of her life.
Booming: The Life-Changing Philosophy of Ageing Well by Marcus Riley is published by Ventura Press, RRP $32.99.
Tell us
What are your secrets for booming into mature age? Share your thoughts in the Comments section below and if you enjoyed reading this, like the story, save it, share it with friends or family and join the conversation.
More
Read more enriching lifestyle stories on Houzz
‘Things change. The only thing constant is change. It’s up to you to be adaptable.’ – Anonymous
Back in 1961, when Lorraine and Rob Stokes bought their new home in the Perth suburb of Mount Lawley, it was the swimming pool in the backyard, kidney-shaped, blue tiles with a nearby rock ledge for diving off that convinced them that they had found their dream home. For the next half-century that pool was in constant use in spring, summer and autumn.
Lorraine and Rob swam laps in it each morning, entertained their friends around it and, when they had children, taught them to swim in the pool and floated all manner of blow-up plastic dinosaurs, fish and turtles on the rippling, always-inviting water. When the children became teenagers, there were parties and the happy sounds of squealing and splashing as, it seemed, the young folk were in the pool more than they were out of it. Rob joked that it was like a member of the family.
By the end of the twentieth century, three generations of the family had swum and frolicked in the pool. Lorraine and Rob’s grandchildren, as had their own children, learned to swim there. Then Rob grew ill and could no longer swim, and passed away. Somehow, after Rob’s death, the pool lost its attraction for Lorraine, who in due course was incapacitated by a stroke. The kids and grandkids by now had other places to play.
One day Lorraine, now in her mid-eighties, realised that no-one had swum in the pool for 18 months. Yet still she paid a pool maintenance guy to come every fortnight to look after it. Lorraine could have sat by the pool, looked into its aquamarine depths and reminisced about the fun that was had in it in times gone by, but she didn’t.
‘Yesterday is over, everything has changed,’ Lorraine told herself. ‘The time has come to make a hard, but sensible decision.’ One Friday morning she lowered herself into the pool one last time, swam two laps, then climbed out, towelled herself dry and called a landscaper. Would he come and fill in the pool and dump a couple of tonnes of earth on top?
Where once family and visitors had gathered around the swimming pool, now they make straight for the garden with its shade and riotous colours. That garden will give Lorraine pleasure for as long as she lives. While cherishing the past, Lorraine did not allow herself to become ensnared in it, choosing instead to adapt and live in the present and the future.