8 Things to Discuss Before Moving in Together
Get all those niggly questions out of the way before you move in together and you'll start your new life together blissfully happy
When two people meet, click and fall in love in this day and age, there will probably come a point when the two parties involved will talk about moving in and sharing a living space. While this all sounds simple and fuss-free on paper, many of those who have lived through the experience can attest differently. Moving in together is a major life change and can come with its own set of problems, especially if couples don’t take the time out to sit down and discuss all the ins and outs first.
It’s not until you live with someone that you really get to know them – you might become acquainted with OCD cleaning tendencies, or weird eating, bathing and shopping habits. There are bound to be things you discover about each other that will test your relationship, just as there will be many things that make it all the stronger.
So before you sign that lease, move into your partner’s home, or make room in yours, why not lay these questions on the table, so that moving in together is all the sweeter.
It’s not until you live with someone that you really get to know them – you might become acquainted with OCD cleaning tendencies, or weird eating, bathing and shopping habits. There are bound to be things you discover about each other that will test your relationship, just as there will be many things that make it all the stronger.
So before you sign that lease, move into your partner’s home, or make room in yours, why not lay these questions on the table, so that moving in together is all the sweeter.
There’s a practical and easy way to determine this. First of all, you could see where you two naturally like to spend more time together. Do you often spend the night at one place over the other because of comfort or convenience? If the answer is yes, then maybe you could consider cohabiting there. However, if both places are too small for two people to live in comfortably, then it may be a wise idea to begin looking for a new abode, which brings us to the next question…
2. How much are you both willing to spend?
It is important to know how much each person can actually afford to spend on rent or on a home repayment. That way no time is wasted looking at those fantasy apartments both of you will never be able to afford anyway.
It is important to know how much each person can actually afford to spend on rent or on a home repayment. That way no time is wasted looking at those fantasy apartments both of you will never be able to afford anyway.
Always have a realistic figure for this part of the discussion. And don’t forget to consider the other expenses, too, such as electricity, the internet and so on.
3. How will we split the bills?
Do you care who consumes more food? Who showers longer? Or who spends more time on the internet or watching cable TV? If you do, you’ll need to sit together and work out how you are going to divide up all these bills.
Do you care who consumes more food? Who showers longer? Or who spends more time on the internet or watching cable TV? If you do, you’ll need to sit together and work out how you are going to divide up all these bills.
More often than not, you and your partner will have a disparity of income, so it may be worth considering paying the bigger bills (such as the rent) relative to what each of you earn, rather than splitting all of the bills down the middle.
You could also agree to pay different bills according to your usage or income – maybe you can pay for the internet and your significant other can handle the extra cost for the sports channel?
You could also agree to pay different bills according to your usage or income – maybe you can pay for the internet and your significant other can handle the extra cost for the sports channel?
4. What will our home look like inside?
A common problem for couples who decide to move in together is that their decorating styles may not marry well. Also, if both of you have been living on your own for a while, you might have two of everything – two fridges, two microwaves, two king-size beds!
A common problem for couples who decide to move in together is that their decorating styles may not marry well. Also, if both of you have been living on your own for a while, you might have two of everything – two fridges, two microwaves, two king-size beds!
Find out what you and your partner like and, while you’re at it, find out if there is a way to combine your two styles harmoniously. Doing this will save you from the fights about whose couch gets to stay.
5. Who will do what household chores?
Moving in together means opening up a whole can of worms about who does what housework (and how often), but it’s really important to establish the boundaries. For starters, perhaps you can both agree to pick up your dirty clothes and put them in the laundry basket or take them to the laundry. Then go on to establish what will work best for each of you.
Moving in together means opening up a whole can of worms about who does what housework (and how often), but it’s really important to establish the boundaries. For starters, perhaps you can both agree to pick up your dirty clothes and put them in the laundry basket or take them to the laundry. Then go on to establish what will work best for each of you.
Unless it is right for your relationship, try not to stick to gender-traditional roles. For example, the man in the relationship may be a better cook and is willing to cook most evenings, and the woman in the relationship might not mind getting the car cleaned every fortnight. Do you hate cleaning the bathroom? Maybe your partner is ambivalent and would be willing to do that in exchange for you doing the dishes.
Making compromises like this and getting a clear idea of chore division will not only save you from many a petty fight, but it will ensure your home stays in decent shape, too.
Making compromises like this and getting a clear idea of chore division will not only save you from many a petty fight, but it will ensure your home stays in decent shape, too.
If your idea of cleanliness is quite varied, discuss what areas you can and can’t compromise on, then try to stick to them. Cleaning the house is one of the biggest fight starters, so if you get this area of your relationship cleaned up (forgive the pun), you will be starting off on the right foot.
Before moving in, talk about how you like to eat. Are you fond of staying at home and cooking or is grabbing a sandwich on the go, or eating out, more your thing? Do you have to eat organic foods all the time? Are you allergic or simply hate certain foods? Get these issues out of the way and you’ll avoid arguments over food habits and what groceries to buy later on.
8. Do you have any habits or quirks I should know about?
Believe us when we say that quirks, habits and preferences don’t just stop at food. For example, there are people who don’t want to be talked to in the morning – they just want to be left alone while they struggle to wake up and face the world.
Believe us when we say that quirks, habits and preferences don’t just stop at food. For example, there are people who don’t want to be talked to in the morning – they just want to be left alone while they struggle to wake up and face the world.
Ordinarily, this wouldn’t be much of a problem, but if you’re cohabiting with someone who is offended by your morning silence, then you could be in for trouble. It’s best to be upfront and honest about things like this early on, no matter how strange-sounding your quirk may be so that the other person is aware of it, and tries his or her best to accommodate it.
Discussion ‘rules’
Remember, these questions are designed to improve your moving-in experience, so remember to have an open mind, and to compromise where necessary. Learn how much to give, and how much to take. Know when to stand your ground, and when to give in and let the other person win. After all, this is the basis of a great relationship.
Remember, these questions are designed to improve your moving-in experience, so remember to have an open mind, and to compromise where necessary. Learn how much to give, and how much to take. Know when to stand your ground, and when to give in and let the other person win. After all, this is the basis of a great relationship.
And when discussions get a little bit tense, we suggest taking a deep breath and focusing on the big picture. Think of how amazing, and fun, living together will be. Make your visualisation even more real by looking up a few dream spaces on Houzz. Perhaps you’ll chance on what the home of your dreams can look like, and you’ll find a way to settle those little issues.
Moving in will involve some logistics, and one of the major ones is figuring out if one person will move into the other’s space, or if both of you need to start looking for a new place to start your new life together.